You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
