I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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