Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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