dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
