I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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