Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
