My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
