Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
