the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
