I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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