margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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