we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
