Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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