He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
