i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize