woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize