"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Enjoy the penises
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
