I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize