my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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