youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize