Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i need some magic done to my vagina
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
