Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
