Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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