My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
