why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
