i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
