Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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