so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
