He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
