HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
they need to just BURY HIM!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
