on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
