His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
