Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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