I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
