Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He did a backflip because drugs
Never joke about your clitoris.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
