Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
