this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
