So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize