Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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