dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
