Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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