so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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