Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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