What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize