Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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