i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
