I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize