K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
