This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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