Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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