Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
