Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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