i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I enjoy the company of your penis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
