idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
