could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
