The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
