I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
