New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize