I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
