he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There are leaves in my underwear?
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