oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize