Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
