its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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