I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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