What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
