I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
