i already hear my dad disowning me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
