i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
