is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
