I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
