All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
