I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't special order awesome
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
