I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
