she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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