i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
