cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
