Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
