My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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