I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
its liver damage thursday
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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