The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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