I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
