sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
