I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
