Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
