they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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