my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love having hate sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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