I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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