so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
