White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
