I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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