That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize