It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
