i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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