don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
