Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
