seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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