I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
