I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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