Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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