So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize